Finding the “Right One” – Boyfriend – Girlfriend – Husband -Wife

Posted on: February 22nd, 2010 by relationadmin | 16 Comments

I know and have met many people who says that they are looking for “The Right One” well who is the right one, how do you define the right one? Let’s start with the women, many women are looking for that ideal guy that they have perhaps read about in some book or have seen in some movie, but what these women are not realizing is that these books and movies are all make believe.

Many women have these ideas in their minds as to how a man should measure up and if he doesn’t then that means that he simply isn’t good enough for her. Women are for the most part never satisfied with what they have until they no longer have it. They always seem to be in search of something more, now I’m not saying a woman can’t have her standards but she shouldn’t think that a man will be able to meet and keep all of her expectations.

There was a girl that was dating this guy and according to her friends, they just thought that this wasn’t the guy for her. He wasn’t 6’2ft, his body type was not one of an athlete, and he looked aight..(ok proper English, he looked alright). Anyways, he never once disrespected her, or mistreated her but for some reasons he didn’t fully fit her idea of what her ideal mate should be.

Anyways to cut a long story short, she broke up with the guy and ended up dating someone that she thought fit her idea of what person she deserved to be with, he had the hard rock abs, 6’3, and all her specs, he was “fiiinneee” like you ladies like to say. All of the physical specs she was looking for she found in this guy. Little did she know he was an abuser.  He abused this girl, physically, verbally and not to mention emotionally. He treated her as if it should have been a privilege for her to be with a guy like him.

So what does all of this mean, well sometimes we see a person and we judge them based on the way they look, the physical but we don’t stop to see what they are offering us beyond that. Many women are awaiting for a prince charming to come and sweep them of their feet and sometimes they stop at nothing to find what they looking for and when they think they have the “the one” they end up losing the “the one” that matters most, which is themselves because they being enslaved to the ideal man they were searching for. One of the characteristics that all men should have for women that are in search of the “the one” is RESPECT, first for God, for himself and of course for the person he is with. If we both have a communal respect for each other then everything really falls into place.

One day  I was at a barbershop one day waiting to get a haircut, and there was a conversation about love going on (crazy I know, but men talk about love too ladies).  Anyways, there was a question, what is the most important thing to have in relationship. Many of the men answered you have to have “love” of course and then this one guy said something that really got me. He said forget about love, you need someone that you can live with and someone you can’t stand not being around.

Now I wouldn’t have said forget about love, but I think it’s equally important that you find someone that you enjoy being with and spending a lot of time with, or someone that you really don’t mind being around. It’s not just enough to have love, because it is very much true that you may love someone but you can’t stand being around them. I believe we don’t choose who we love but we choose who to stay with. (13080)

Finding the “Right One” – Boyfriend – Girlfriend – Husband -Wife
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16 Responses

  1. Gasou says:

    I love that post. It is true sometimes we ladies ignore everyone around us, and we’re waiting for the right one not to say the perfect one. That’s how many people passe their whole life single. In the other hand I think that sometimes we are just to scared to make wrong choiceor to be mistreated; we can’t trust anyone, so we can’t realize who the right one is.

    • Hey Gasou you are right, many times we let fear stop us from getting to where we have to be. But I don’t know it’s pride or stupidity that cause us to just sit back and wait instead of going for what we want.

  2. Kiki says:

    I just read that post but it just amazed and surprised me how you said that you can “love” someone and can’t stand being around him/her. I guess I got the word love all twisted or something because I dont see how this can happen. Also, about the whole dating thing, why would I date someone if I am not even attracted to you or like you. The way I see it, I don’t like you, I am not going to even bother spending time with you. It’s just wrong and weird! Lastly, I don’t have any problem with a girl making the first move, but I don’t find really appropriate because guys these days are too self-centered.

  3. Well, KIKI loving someone have nothing to do with being around them. Just because I love someone that doesn’t mean I like everything about that person. We all have flaws. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. Do you agree? Well, you may not agree, but understand this, I don’t think we choose who we love, we choose who to be with. Please anyone tell me if I am wrong. I may love someone but not in love with them or don’t want to be in a relationship with that person just because there are some things that I may know will not work. So let’s say I have someone that I know for a very long time and I love her but some of the things she does or get into I don’t agree with. My love for her doesn’t change but I can choose not to be with her. Another example, love doesn’t change like we think it does. Take a woman for instance that have a man she loves with all her heart and his guy is just a plain DOG, his actions can caused her not to be in love with him or don’t want to be around him or even can’t stand him but the feeling and emotions doesn’t change.

    Feel free to disagree. Sorry if I am getting personal, what do you think Love is, are you or have you ever loved someone?

    Sorry About the essay

    • Kiki says:

      Well thanks for the essay lol….. Honestly, I wouldn’t consider that love. If I love someone, I feel that I should be able to accept the person just the way he is. As you said we all have our good/bad sides. There are some stuffs that I wont tolerate from him and vice versa but we can still make things work. If I say that I love a guy and cannot stand him or being around him for not even a sec, I don’t consider that “love” but instead a “lust”. It is just a feeling that won’t last and love to me is more that just feelings. And I cannot see a boy today and say that I love him, because I barely know him. Sometimes, girls are strongly attracted to boys and think that it is love, but after maybe a month or so, it’s gone, the feeling is no longer there. That’s the reason why some guys don’t usually say “I LOVE YOU” to a girl until they are sure about their feelings. Because it is a strong word indeed but not a guarantee that they will stay together afterwards though. However, I might say that I love my friends but it’s just a firendship type of love and that is not the one that I am talking about it here.

      Answer to your questions stating if I ever love/loved someone? Well, honestly I don’t think so. I might have been attracted to guys or like (d) them but that’s all. I usually say that I really like a boy but I have never get to the point to say that I love a guy.

  4. Jj says:

    To me there is no such thing as the right one. LOVE is tolerance. If you can tolerate how he/she is then you can have a relationship with that person.

    • Thanks for your reply Jj, so what you are telling me once you love someone you have to tolerate them and the moment you can’t tolerate them you don’t love them? So everyone you have a relationship with you’re in love with?

  5. Rosie says:

    Well,kiki sometimes you have to go through a situation,for you to understand it.Yes you can be with someone,love them and you just cannot stand to be around that person at a certain time and place.yes it is crazy and weird what i am saying,i wish i could find another way to explain it to you, but you will never get it until you get to experience it yourself.

    By the way I like the part where you explain how girl these days throw themself to a man to quitly without knowing exactly who that person is, and think that’s love.
    I love it!

    You said you will not talk to a man you don’t like.You know sometime we Ladies be ignoring the one that belong to ourself? Talking from experince… i rather talk to someone that i don’t like,that like me.Because its our imagination that make us think we like that person.That imagination can only see the outside and not the inside. Most of the times it good you Learn to appreciate the person that like you.In that case i’ll said throw yourself at him,get to know him,spend time with that person.Because i believe that by spendind time, your feeling will start to built, and little by little you will realize that he was the type of man you were looking for to be with.

  6. Gasou says:

    To reply to what Jj said. I wouldn’t say that there is no such thng as the right one; I would rather say that the right one is never perfect. Now to what Kiki said, me personally I would say that I can love a man but can’t be with him. Maybe I love him but we can’t deal with each other. I think that’s how people get their heart break; they do not realise that it doesn’t take only love for a relationship. They see only the sandwich in the combo and forget the fries and the drink. There’s a difference between “I love my man even though he’s not perfect” and “I love that man but he doesn’t respect me, doesnt like who I am and what I do. It’s not like a two way street.” And for the date thing I agree with you kiki. If I cant’t “Stand him” or “don’t like him too much” there’s no point of going in a date; I call that wasting time. But if I do think that he’s alright; it won’t kill me to go out with him get to know him and be his friend If I have to. My thing is if we can’t be friend then we can’t be bf and gf that’s me. I rather have a thousand dates than having a bad boyfriend. Well don’t get me wrong now, sometimes we have to move on to the boyfriend girlfriend thing and realise that it can’t work. There’s nothing wrong with having EXes. Only make sure that you don’t wait too long to realise that you have to move one, and don’t give too much of yourself so the right one can have what is needed from you. Sometimes we ladies see a man and say to ourself “NAHHHHHHH!!! he can’t be my BF” but when we get to know him we are just perfect with each other.
    “The difference between loving someone and being in love with someone is like Rap and Hip-Hop. Rap is just the words and hip-hop is the feeling.”

  7. Gasou says:

    Rosie I agree with you, and I think you should give your point of view more often. I forgot to say that I like to think that people grow in love but do not fall in love.

    • joe says:

      love is nothing the worst one fall in love you know who you want to be with if good attitude respect god respect you to many bad guy aroud but let god handle it for you is in control not because of you but you are different than the other know what you waiting for what uu want who u want to be with .

  8. Rosie says:

    Jj, you will never realize the person bad habbit before you go in a relationship with them.All these stuff always happen after you’ve been in the relationship with that person.sometimes it even take years to see the biggest bad habbit side of that person.yes love is tolerance, you can say that,but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate every single mistake that person made.

  9. Don says:

    I haven’t read anybodies else comments, but I believe you have stuck a nail on the dilemma in relationships on the head. I believe the article/blog u wrote is very eloquently written, but I believe the blog is primary written for women not for the men. To be brutally honest majority of men are not looking for Miss Right, but for Miss Right now. Outside of church thats what most men are looking for and like you said women get caught in that movie ideal perfect man image. One must first understand like aforementioned previously in the blog that no one person is perfect that we all have are flaws and imperfections. Knowing that should lead people to know that there will never be perfect intimate relationship with anybody, but unfortunately majority of people miss the boat on that one.

    People get disappointed all the time in a relationship because we have this perceived notion of a perfect relationship; its not real and can never be achieved, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work around your imperfections in a relationship to keep strong, lasting, healthy, and loving. I believe a relationship come all varieties from family, friends, work, etc. its something that needs to be constantly work on to be successful at like you have mention earlier. Nothing in life comes easy, and definitely not a relationship if i did people would take it for granted and the significant would feel under-appreciated. I totally agree with u on outweighing the pros vs cons of a relationship that determines whether you should stay with someone thats good for you or to leave. You have to look real rational at that and remove the emotion aspect of that (which is very difficult for most people to do remove the emotion portion). I’m saying to be robot in relationship, but to look at it with a grain of salt.

    Last thing i want to say is the old adage is that pain is love, I say bull****. Love doesn’t begot pain or why does loving someone hurt in a painful way??? Thats crazy!! Yes you go through up and downs, road bumps, but its how u get through them love is suppose to be (my understanding) loving, HAPPY, caring, comforting, and something in where you can be yourself(vulnerable). To me love is not pain and someone is causing you pain in a relationship there is no love there.

    • Thank you Don for your comments and I really appreciate your honesty on this matter. I didn’t write the article for women at least I didn’t think so but thanks for pointing out some key elements. One thing I have a say though about the comments is that the part of about love not being pain. I have to agree with you on that. I believe love is what will carry people through hard times in a relationship. Love will help us to move away from a painful state to a painless state. Again really appreciate your honesty because our goal is to share our thoughts and ideas and also learn from others. No one person knows everything, we learn from each other..

    • Gasou says:

      Don I think that you and Rosie have a common point. No relationship is pefect. There always going to be somthing that i can’t ask my bf to change and something that he cant’t ask me to change, therefor I have to accept him that way if I love him and he does the same. That’s when the tolerace comes. Not that I like the imperfection but I learn to deal with it and understand that it’s a part of the set; it’s eiter the set or nothing.

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