Sex Before Marriage: Why We Chose Not To Go There

Let me first start by saying that it’s been a nice ride so far for Relationshipdj. We want to first of all thank God for his goodness towards us and of course you the readers that have shown your support and participation on our site.  Our intentions here on relationshipdj are not only to share our stories, give advice based on our experiences or the experiences of others but it’s hopefully to help others build their relationships as well. So with that said, please, don’t forget you are now able to post comments on our site using your Facebook account and it will allow your friends to see what you have been reading and then maybe they will stop by and visit us to and become a part of this movement.

Disclaimer: Sex is a very personal subject and should never be taken lightly by anyone. We ask that two things, if you are not of age or rather mature enough for this subject, then please refrain from reading any further and also if you are please be mindful that this is a sensitive subject and people will obviously have their views and opinions about, we are simply here to share our own and what has worked for us in our relationship.

Why we chose not to go there:

I remember being young adults, when Dony and I started being girlfriend and boyfriend and I have asked her, her opinion about sex before marriage, and her response was short and to the point, she wanted to remain a virgin until she was married. I asked her of course why that was so important to her, and her first reason was because it was never God’s intention for people to have sex before marriage and secondly because she knew if ever she decided to do it then she would hear her dad’s voice saying “Cheri pa kite moune goute, ou pap van anyen” Translation: don’t let anyone have a taste for you have nothing to sell. When she told me the part about what her dad would always tell, I thought it was hilarious but I had to say I respected that very much. I say I respect that because I myself am not a virgin. See when I was growing up, I had a very different view on life than I have now. At school, on the soccer field and neighborhood we were all doing the same things at a very young age (as a matter of fact too young to mention) that we had no business doing, this was just the environment I happened to find myself in. I used to go to church with my mom but it wasn’t until I came to the states and was older and of course became convicted and baptized that I realized the importance of all this girl was telling me, hence why I myself for myself made the decision that I too didn’t want to go there with this girl. So basically you can say that we decided mutually that we wouldn’t take our relationship there.

We have many friends and even some family members who seem to think that this is absurd but we don’t think so at all. Many of our friends think that we are lying when we say we have not had sex. One thing that people fail to understand though is that our relationship is not based solely on physical attractions, yes I did fall in love with her smile even before having spoken to her but I‘ve loved her all of this time for her for mind, intelligence, the way she makes me feel and so much more.

Many males seem to think that sex is what defines them as man but I have news for you, if you need sex to make you a man then you truly have no idea what it means to be a man. A man is someone who takes care of his business and his woman. I don’t need to have sex with my girl for her to see me as a man. My thing has always been any loser can get laid. It doesn’t require much nowadays to get laid. All you have to do is find a vulnerable woman/girl find the right moment and sweep her off her feet and the potential to get laid just skyrocketed. Sorry ladies, but sometimes it just seems that easy. A man to me is the guy that can keep his girl interested in him after many years and he’s still interested to his woman. It’s been a long time since my girl and I have been together, I kid you not, I still get a funny feeling in my stomach whenever I know I am going to see her.

Another reason for me, personally wanting to wait for our wedding day is that I feel a honeymoon isn’t really one if I have been getting it on prior, it should just be called a vacation or getaway (just thought I’d throw that in there). During the wedding, the girl gets to have all the glitz and glamour and well let’s say the guy gets to unwrap the present, his glitz and glamour at the end of the day, which should be the best gift yet (Oh Yeah).

I’ve heard from many people that  they will not marry a woman without having sex first with her, I guess to know if she’s any good and men aren’t the only one guilty of saying this too, but like I’ve said before this is the way we’ve chosen to live our lives that has worked for us. We find that putting God as the center and forefront of our relationship has allowed it to grow in ways we’ve never imagined, so yes the temptation is there but what’s more important to us than that is our relationship with God.  Now we know people will have their opinions and their own convictions, but all I know is that this is what has worked for us and God willing will continue to work for us until we say “I do”.

For all who are interested in biblical text that speaks on this:

Sex is a gift God gives to married people for their mutual enjoyment. It’s in the Bible, Proverbs 5:18-19, “Let your manhood be a blessing; rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her charms and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight.” I Thessalonians 4:3-5,

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Hey guys hope you are all doing well. Not too good on my side, I have this cold that’s try to keep me down.

Being in a relationship can be really hectic at times and if we don’t know what to do during these times we may end up doing and saying things which we may not be able to retract. There are many things that can cause such situations of which, trusting issues, school, work, individualism, infidelity and so much more.

We are all at one point in time in a relationship feel stranded and caved in and want some space to breathe. And frankly the problem may not be related to your significant other. As mentioned before it may be school. I remember once I was taking this class and I was having a hard time understanding certain things. I would understand one thing when it comes to the discussion I get all confused again. I am not the type to not know what I am doing so that has taken a big toll on me.  I don’t really express my feelings especially when I think I am not performing well, I prefer to just keep to myself but I ended up taking all my frustration on the closest person to me which was my girlfriend. Not that I had a problem with her but I was mad at myself about school so I took it out on her. She asked me questions as simple as how are you I got irritated. I realized what was happening and I talked to my girl about it and explained to her what was going on and she understood and stopped doing these little things that I kind of irritated me during that time.

You see what I am trying to get at many things will happen while in a relationship and we may not know how to handle it. Different people have different ways of handling different situations.  I could have easily asked my girl for some time apart which may not have been a good thing for me at the time.

Now, if you are in a relationship and you feel that your significant other is smothering you  or there’s just too much going on which you can’t handle at the time, I say make your significant other a part of your problem or situation. You’ll be surprise that he/she may understand and help you overcome or find a solution.

I have talked to many people that I know and for the most part they have all come up with the same or similar responds, that  when people ask for space in a relationship that means they want to just go out and try something new without feeling guilty. Do I agree with them 100% no but there are some truth to that.

Does it mean he’s just not into you anymore?

When a man says he needs space, for the most part I think he’s not interested because man doesn’t really care about this space thing. If he feels that you are being too needy in terms of attention he may ask for you to cut it down a little but if he asks for space then he may be just not into you. I am not saying that’s completely the case but for the most part that’s what happens. In my culture there’s no lay over, either we are with someone or we no longer with you. Because I feel that there are no rules that say if you are taking a break from someone you can’t do as you please because technically you are not with that person during that time. Well, correct me if I am wrong anybody.

Another thing is that if he says he needs time to figure things out, which rarely happens, he may have another girl which he likes the same way he likes and he’s not sure which way to go but he doesn’t want to let both of you go.

Does it mean she’s just not into you anymore?

I have a couple of guy friends and whenever we get to this point it’s always one conclusion. Women don’t have time to play around thus when she says she needs space buddy, just keep moving because she’s just not that in to you. We feel the same way about women cheating, women don’t cheat just to do it like men do. If she cheated on you she’s not your girlfriend anymore. Now, to every rule there are exceptions, some women cheat because they are in need of something that you are providing while they still want to be with you..(This is a post of itself, be on the lookout for it). So when I hear women say these words, I need some time to think things through about us = take a hike.

All and all, each person will have his or her way of asking for space and that space may mean different for different people. Women and men are different thus they will have different ideas, meaning and definition. So next your partner asks for space ask them what they really mean by that so that you understand and not left in the dark.

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Hey everyone, welcome back to relationshipdj!

Ok so I have an analogy for you guys, what happens if you leave your car door unlocked and someone steals your car aren’t you the one to blame, especially if you didn’t bother to check if the car door was  locked. What I’m saying is that you should always make sure that what you have remains protected, or it can really cost you. Ok so enough analogies for now; let’s get to the real point of it all.

I have always said and believed that if my girlfriend wants to do something as stupid as cheat on me, I don’t want it to be on my account or because of something I did or didn’t do.  Although men hate when women require their undivided attention, we do in fact try our best to provide all it if we can. I mean I can’t stand women that want attention 24/7. I think it’s just pure selfishness, when a woman wants a man’s world to revolve solely around her. With that said, I do know though that women are emotional creatures and they do in fact require that a man pay attention to them. They want to have that emotional connection with their man, to have something I feel to talk about with their girlfriends. So what I’m saying and this is for the men especially, if you have a girlfriend and you are not giving her the attention she requires, then you might as well, just stop being with her because she may start getting it elsewhere. Believe me some men can seek out women that are in relationships but are vulnerable because they aren’t getting the attention that they need from their own men, hey it doesn’t require much work on his part to do what her man isn’t doing.

Most of the time women end up cheating or come close to doing it because the guy they are with are not putting in the work in the relationship. If your girl feels that she’s doing all she can to make it work and you are just doing the minimal on your part, if she gets with someone else that’s giving the same amount as she is, then gentlemen you really don’t have a case in getting mad. Now I’m not condoning the cheating part, but I guess what I’m saying is that, women will naturally go where they feel wanted, needed or appreciated.

Ok so here’s a short story of a girl that’s dating this guy and she feels sometimes she’s putting in all of the extra work and he isn’t making much of an effort. They are in a long distance relationship and sometimes they go on for days without talking to each other for some reason or another. Sometimes it’s work, school, etc. Right now the situation is pretty intense because her man doesn’t even live in the states so talking to him is so much more difficult. In the past week he recently moved from one apartment to another and he hasn’t gotten his phone hooked up so they really haven’t spoken to each other for a good number of days. So this has really put a strain on their relationship, to her it seems that he just isn’t even trying to find a way to contact her at least to check in and let her know that he’s alright. She feels helpless and really wishes that he would put in that extra effort to make the relationship work. But it gets better, she is now in a situation where a “friend” from the past has stepped back into her life and he is saying and doing all of the things that she simply wishes her man would do for her. She finds herself being drawn into this friend although she is still very much in love with her man. Problem, I would definitely think so.

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