I know and have met many people who says that they are looking for “The Right One” well who is the right one, how do you define the right one? Let’s start with the women, many women are looking for that ideal guy that they have perhaps read about in some book or have seen in some movie, but what these women are not realizing is that these books and movies are all make believe. Many women have these ideas in their minds as to how a man should measure up and if he doesn’t then that means that he simply isn’t good enough for her. Women are for the most part never satisfied with what they have until they no longer have it. They always seem to be in search of something more, now I’m not saying a woman can’t have her standards but she shouldn’t think that a man will be able to meet and keep all of her expectations.

There was a girl that was dating this guy and according to her friends, they just thought that this wasn’t the guy for her. He wasn’t 6’2ft, his body type was not one of an athlete, and he looked aight..(ok proper English, he looked alright). Anyways, he never once disrespected her, or mistreated her but for some reasons he didn’t fully fit her idea of what her ideal mate should be. Anyways to cut a long story short, she broke up with the guy and ended up dating someone that she thought fit her idea of what person she deserved to be with, he had the hard rock abs, 6’3, and all her specs, he was “fiiinneee” like you ladies like to say. All of the physical specs she was looking for she found in this guy. Little did she know he was an abuser.  He abused this girl, physically, verbally and not to mention emotionally. He treated her as if it should have been a privilege for her to be with a guy like him.

So what does all of this mean, well sometimes we see a person and we judge them based on the way they look, the physical but we don’t stop to see what they are offering us beyond that. Many women are awaiting for a prince charming to come and sweep them of their feet and sometimes they stop at nothing to find what they looking for and when they think they have the “the one” they end up losing the “the one” that matters most, which is themselves because they being enslaved to the ideal man they were searching for. One of the characteristics that all men should have for women that are in search of the “the one” is RESPECT, first for God, for himself and of course for the person he is with. If we both have a communal respect for each other then everything really falls into place.

One day  I was at a barbershop one day waiting to get a haircut, and there was a conversation about love going on (crazy I know, but men talk about love too ladies).  Anyways, there was a question, what is the most important thing to have in relationship. Many of the men answered you have to have “love” of course and then this one guy said something that really got me. He said forget about love, you need someone that you can live with and someone you can’t stand not being around. Now I wouldn’t have said forget about love, but I think it’s equally important that you find someone that you enjoy being with and spending a lot of time with, or someone that you really don’t mind being around. It’s not just enough to have love, because it is very much true that you may love someone but you can’t stand being around them. I believe we don’t choose who we love but we choose who to stay with.

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It was March 8^th 1997, my second day in this new city, state, country and a new church. As I walked into the church that morning, I was greeted by the ushers standing at the door and they offered to show me the way to inside of the church. I guess since they saw that I was young they sent me to the junior’s class.   I think I was 2 years or older than most of the kids in that class. I walked in and sat down in the back room. I had no idea what was going on or what they were saying, after all I had just migrated from a non English speaking country. I as sat in the back trying to figure out what they were saying or singing, I saw her walked across the room making her way out to go to the restroom.  My eyes followed her as she made her out the door, and no, I didn’t follow her to the restroom .

I was counting and hoping that she would walk back in the room. And surely enough she came back. As she made her way to the front of the class I watched her again. From that moment my heart dropped. I know what you must be thinking,  at a young age I couldn’t have fallen in love, well I didn’t call it love I just knew from the way that I was feeling that I must have really liked her. Well, you may ask how you can really like someone you barely knew, I don’t really know, all I knew is that I just did and it just happened. Ok, let’s get back to the story. My thoughts were playing soccer in my mind, kicking ideas left and right. But with all the ideas, I had no way of communicating with this girl because I didn’t speak her language. I knew that she may understand mine but I wasn’t thinking about that at the moment. From that moment on it got pretty bad because all of my attention and thoughts were all about this girl. After church was over, I stood by and watched her lips as she spoke to her friends.

Going home

On my way home, my mother was asking what we learned at church today, I had nothing to say, I know shame on me. My older brother and sister saw how distracted and distant I was being and that’s when they asked me what was going on and I told them I just saw this girl at church today and she’s going to be my girlfriend. To my older siblings this was just a joke because they thought that since I don’t speak the language and since she’s so pretty that I was way over my head, especially since she may have had other prospects or guys that were trying to talk to her, but none of that really mattered to me. I didn’t see the other guys there because they were of no concern to me. So for months I tried to find ways to talk to this girl and ended up with no success. A few months later, I found myself  sitting with a group of people including her older brother and he asked me which girl at the church that I liked, I quickly replied, “your sister”. Although he said ok, I knew he probably meant, good luck buddy, don’t think it’s going to happen.

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All too often people find themselves in situations where they have to part from the one they love or really like. People move because of work, school and other uncontrollable circumstances. A couple of months back my girlfriend found herself moving away to go to school, this was a situation that neither of us had any  real control of. So it is safe to say that I myself am in a Long Distance Relationship. OK…

One day I was talking to a friend and during our conversation she asked me how my girlfriend is doing and I told her that my girl is good; she’s just studying a lot for school. She then asked me about the school. I told her about the school and what my girlfriend is studying and I also told her my girlfriend’s school is 2000 miles away. My friend’s next question to me was, “are you still going to love her?” I replied to her, well of course, my love for my girlfriend is not based on our locations, situations, or circumstances rather for reasons much deeper than that. I will still love her because I love her for who she is and who she helps me to be.

So, how am I surviving this long distance relationship? I’ll tell you, it is not easy. At times I have to stay awake when I could have been sleeping but that doesn’t bother me at all. If anything I feel that if I don’t talk to her before going to bed it’s not going to be good night.

BE VERY SUPPORTIVE

Try your best to be supportive of your partner. Your significant other will need all the help he or she can get from you while being away. In my case my girlfriend is away for school, I have to understand although we agreed that we have to talk every day even if it’s for just a few minutes, I understand that she may not have the time when I have time.

School can be very overwhelming and at times she needs the support of her love ones. Although she’s getting love from her family as her boyfriend I have to show her some on my side too if not even more. You see, one thing I thank God for is that before she moved away for med school I started working at a med school. Seeing how the students at the school are struggling, studying long hours, trying to get ready for the exam helps me to understand what she’s going through.

I give her my undivided attention when she’s talking to me, complain about a stupid professor, how’s it’s snowing, etc. And I also do all that I can to give her some words of encouragement, not just saying things I think she wants to hear.

CEASE EVERY SECOND WITH HIM/HER

Whenever you get a chance, spend time with him/her and be sure to make it memorable. For instance my girlfriend is about 2000 miles away for school. She’s been away for about 6 months. We talk all the time; we Skyped and Gtalked because these things allowed me to see her. Hey, you have to make it work any possible way that you can. So, when she came down last December on vacation although we had a lot planed and we didn’t get to do most of those things, however the activities we did do we made sure that they were memorable.   Oh, guess what, when she came down it happened to be our many years anniversary. So, we went to a restaurant that we both love and took lots of pictures, enjoyed each other’s company and the food as well. One other thing we did that was really good and memorable is that night we went bowling with friends and family. We had a great time. I know how important it is to her to be with her family and friends.

Different things will work for different couples but you really need to find out what makes you guys happy individually and as a couple. For the guys if you have to pick her up at the airport I would suggest buying her some nice flowers, a teddy bear that will welcome her as she enters the car to sit down. Trust me on that one, she will cherish that moment and will always look forward to coming back home after all a happy girlfriend is a happy, you know the rest.

Oh one last thing, I don’t think I should say but I know she will remember is the fact that she beat in playing Mortal Kombat. I thought I had it but she beat me a couple of times.

My Last Thought on Long Distance Relationships

Guys, let me tell you something, no girl wants to be with a guy without knowing that there may be something in the future for them. You may not believe this but talking about your future with your girlfriend or boyfriend while being away will also help you guys keep it going. No one wants to feel that he/she is wasting his/her time with someone. Hey if you feel that you are wasting your time with a relationship that is not going anywhere, I say quit while you are ahead. It doesn’t make sense to be with a girl/guy in a long distance relationship where there’s no real commitment.

So show support to your significant other and cherish and cease every moment you guys spend together and these are things I think that will help your relationship last.

Stay tune for more survival tips.

DrG1

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The things we talk about is a blog that is multifaceted, we have an array of topics that we choose to talk about and share with our readers. We are open to different ideas and views on these various topics. One of our favorite topics as it is for in a relationship and unfortunately there may be some difficult questions that we may need to ask ourselves about the relationships that we are in. Here at the things we talk about, we try our best to tackle some of these questions and provide an answer to them.

What you are about to read, may shed some light on some of these questions you’ve asked yourself or will maybe one day ask yourself or what you’re about to read, you may completely disagree with or maybe have a different take or opinion on, which is fine as well. Don’t hesitate to check out our blog and write your thoughts and comments about these different topics.

The things we talk about simply wants to reach out and help anyone and everyone while having fun at the same time. We hope that you will enjoy our compilation of thoughts on relationships and invite a friend to read and share in this free e-book. Have a blast and let love take you to new heights!

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This is a Great story posted to a great site by a reader….

Dear The Things We Talk About, I have read many of your blog posts and I have decided to share my story with you.

The past love

I have been dating this guy for two years now; he’s real good to me. He has all that I’ve ever wanted in a man. To be honest, being in a relationship was the last thing I wanted when I met him. After talking for a few months he wanted to take it to the next level, so we did.  The beginning of our relationship wasn’t that great because I was still healing from my previous one.  I was with my ex for four years, we talked about getting married, and having kids, loving each other for life little did I know, he was cheating on me from the beginning.  After our four year anniversary I found out the girlfriend he had before me was six months pregnant for him. So I ended the relationship and closed that chapter in my relationship.

The new Love

Let’s get back to the love of my life well at least I think that’s what he is. In the beginning of our relationship, really enjoyed hanging out with him, he would take me out every weekend, and we would go to all the fancy places.  The sky was the limit for the things he would have done for me. The sad thing was that I couldn’t open my heart to him. So, I would treat him unfairly. I didn’t respect him at all, he couldn’t tell me anything. I would only do what I wanted to do. I wasn’t trying to treat him bad on purpose, it just kept happening. Sometimes I would say the meanest thing to him and felt bad about it later. Through all this he stayed with me.

The reality check

I got a reality check on April of last year when he finally came to his senses, and told me we were through. Boy that was the worst day of my life. He told me I was killing his manhood, and as much as he loved me the best thing to do was to go our separate ways. I thought he was joking because this was the second time he ended our relationship. Two weeks went by and he didn’t call me. I called him a few times but no answer. I didn’t know what to do, so I went by his house. When I got there I saw his car so I went up to his apartment knocked on the door, guess what, he never answered the door. I went back home and I cried like a baby that day. But I never stopped trying.

The day I begged for a second chance / opened up to him

Finally, one day I sent him a text message, I think he replied hours later. I asked him if we could talk, and he told me to come over after work. That day I poured my heart and tears out to him to give us a second chance. Yes ladies I begged him to take me back. And I had him promise me that he would never leave me no matter what. From that day I opened my heart to him. I decided to take another chance with love. I asked GOD to help me change some of my ways. This man shows me how it feels to love someone and how it feels to be loved. I found myself doing things that I said I would not do. For example, I called his father every now and then. I use to say that I would never deal with a guy’s parent. I don’t even call my own father like that, (Sad, HUH!!!).  Sometime I look back over our lives and wished that I had done some things differently.   He still treats me the same. I can’t wait for the day I get to change my last name to Mrs. Smith (his last name).

Final thought

Many times we allow our past relationships to dictate what we do in our current relationship. So the message for all of you out there reading this is treat each relationship as if it were your first. Much love the things we talk about!

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