Hey guys hope you are all doing well. Not too good on my side, I have this cold that’s try to keep me down.

Being in a relationship can be really hectic at times and if we don’t know what to do during these times we may end up doing and saying things which we may not be able to retract. There are many things that can cause such situations of which, trusting issues, school, work, individualism, infidelity and so much more.

We are all at one point in time in a relationship feel stranded and caved in and want some space to breathe. And frankly the problem may not be related to your significant other. As mentioned before it may be school. I remember once I was taking this class and I was having a hard time understanding certain things. I would understand one thing when it comes to the discussion I get all confused again. I am not the type to not know what I am doing so that has taken a big toll on me.  I don’t really express my feelings especially when I think I am not performing well, I prefer to just keep to myself but I ended up taking all my frustration on the closest person to me which was my girlfriend. Not that I had a problem with her but I was mad at myself about school so I took it out on her. She asked me questions as simple as how are you I got irritated. I realized what was happening and I talked to my girl about it and explained to her what was going on and she understood and stopped doing these little things that I kind of irritated me during that time.

You see what I am trying to get at many things will happen while in a relationship and we may not know how to handle it. Different people have different ways of handling different situations.  I could have easily asked my girl for some time apart which may not have been a good thing for me at the time.

Now, if you are in a relationship and you feel that your significant other is smothering you  or there’s just too much going on which you can’t handle at the time, I say make your significant other a part of your problem or situation. You’ll be surprise that he/she may understand and help you overcome or find a solution.

I have talked to many people that I know and for the most part they have all come up with the same or similar responds, that  when people ask for space in a relationship that means they want to just go out and try something new without feeling guilty. Do I agree with them 100% no but there are some truth to that.

Does it mean he’s just not into you anymore?

When a man says he needs space, for the most part I think he’s not interested because man doesn’t really care about this space thing. If he feels that you are being too needy in terms of attention he may ask for you to cut it down a little but if he asks for space then he may be just not into you. I am not saying that’s completely the case but for the most part that’s what happens. In my culture there’s no lay over, either we are with someone or we no longer with you. Because I feel that there are no rules that say if you are taking a break from someone you can’t do as you please because technically you are not with that person during that time. Well, correct me if I am wrong anybody.

Another thing is that if he says he needs time to figure things out, which rarely happens, he may have another girl which he likes the same way he likes and he’s not sure which way to go but he doesn’t want to let both of you go.

Does it mean she’s just not into you anymore?

I have a couple of guy friends and whenever we get to this point it’s always one conclusion. Women don’t have time to play around thus when she says she needs space buddy, just keep moving because she’s just not that in to you. We feel the same way about women cheating, women don’t cheat just to do it like men do. If she cheated on you she’s not your girlfriend anymore. Now, to every rule there are exceptions, some women cheat because they are in need of something that you are providing while they still want to be with you..(This is a post of itself, be on the lookout for it). So when I hear women say these words, I need some time to think things through about us = take a hike.

All and all, each person will have his or her way of asking for space and that space may mean different for different people. Women and men are different thus they will have different ideas, meaning and definition. So next your partner asks for space ask them what they really mean by that so that you understand and not left in the dark.

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Hey everyone, welcome back to relationshipdj!

Ok so I have an analogy for you guys, what happens if you leave your car door unlocked and someone steals your car aren’t you the one to blame, especially if you didn’t bother to check if the car door was  locked. What I’m saying is that you should always make sure that what you have remains protected, or it can really cost you. Ok so enough analogies for now; let’s get to the real point of it all.

I have always said and believed that if my girlfriend wants to do something as stupid as cheat on me, I don’t want it to be on my account or because of something I did or didn’t do.  Although men hate when women require their undivided attention, we do in fact try our best to provide all it if we can. I mean I can’t stand women that want attention 24/7. I think it’s just pure selfishness, when a woman wants a man’s world to revolve solely around her. With that said, I do know though that women are emotional creatures and they do in fact require that a man pay attention to them. They want to have that emotional connection with their man, to have something I feel to talk about with their girlfriends. So what I’m saying and this is for the men especially, if you have a girlfriend and you are not giving her the attention she requires, then you might as well, just stop being with her because she may start getting it elsewhere. Believe me some men can seek out women that are in relationships but are vulnerable because they aren’t getting the attention that they need from their own men, hey it doesn’t require much work on his part to do what her man isn’t doing.

Most of the time women end up cheating or come close to doing it because the guy they are with are not putting in the work in the relationship. If your girl feels that she’s doing all she can to make it work and you are just doing the minimal on your part, if she gets with someone else that’s giving the same amount as she is, then gentlemen you really don’t have a case in getting mad. Now I’m not condoning the cheating part, but I guess what I’m saying is that, women will naturally go where they feel wanted, needed or appreciated.

Ok so here’s a short story of a girl that’s dating this guy and she feels sometimes she’s putting in all of the extra work and he isn’t making much of an effort. They are in a long distance relationship and sometimes they go on for days without talking to each other for some reason or another. Sometimes it’s work, school, etc. Right now the situation is pretty intense because her man doesn’t even live in the states so talking to him is so much more difficult. In the past week he recently moved from one apartment to another and he hasn’t gotten his phone hooked up so they really haven’t spoken to each other for a good number of days. So this has really put a strain on their relationship, to her it seems that he just isn’t even trying to find a way to contact her at least to check in and let her know that he’s alright. She feels helpless and really wishes that he would put in that extra effort to make the relationship work. But it gets better, she is now in a situation where a “friend” from the past has stepped back into her life and he is saying and doing all of the things that she simply wishes her man would do for her. She finds herself being drawn into this friend although she is still very much in love with her man. Problem, I would definitely think so.

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Man; what is your role in a relationship:

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Let’s get down to business…

I am kind of old fashion and nowadays in a relationship it’s hard to determine who wears the pants or the panties. Anyone I talk you about this type of things can tell you my words and ideas have never changed. I get upset sometimes when I see men are being run by their girlfriends or wives. If you are a man know your role and grow a pair of you know what (lol).

A man’s role in a relationship is to cherish and care for his woman first and foremost. Having your woman taking care of you man, and you sitting around not contributing doesn’t make you a man, at least not to me, a loser maybe, but a man definitely no. I have witnessed many times where the woman is the bread winner of the house and the man is just sitting around or just hanging out with the boys around the block as his woman is out working hard and sometimes even struggling to make ends meet, simply because the man is too lazy to work or claims he can’t find a job.

I mean I understand due to this economy some things may cause a man not to have a job; I am not talking about men that due to unforeseeable circumstances don’t have a job. No, if you got laid off and you are still looking for a job or you are sick and cannot work, then I am not talking to you.  But if you just the type that sits on your butt all day and are not doing anything good and productive and expecting your woman to take care of you, I AM TALKING TO YOU THEN. A man should definitely be able to provide for his woman in some shape or form, it may not be financially but he has to be able to do for his woman and family.

Now don’t get me wrong finances isn’t everything, but it is a lot of times a deal breaker in most relationships which is I used it as my primary example, but there are other equally important things that a “real man” should do in a relationship.

5 Things A Man Should Do In A Relationship

1. Take responsibility – don’t blame your girl/wife when you are wrong.
2. Show leadership – where there’s problem, be the main one to find a solution, take care of business.
3. Make decisions – be decisive and whatever the outcome maybe take responsibility for it.
4. Be Strong - you can ask anyone that knows me; they probably tell you that I rarely get mad simply because I know how to manage my anger. I am always keeping it strong for my girl because I have to be strong for her.
5. Be a man – be self-reliant, be disciplined, be trust worthy, be the care taker.

Now for my rampage: Many women have ceased this opportunity to run the show because they are the bread winner in the relationship. Well I got news for you too; money doesn’t determine who’s the man or the woman.  If you for once thought that since you are making more money than your man you can act as if you are the man of the house you have something else coming.

It doesn’t matter if I am making $2 an hour and my girlfriend/wife is making $20 an hour, I still wear the pants, which means that it’s not about her money or my money but about our money and we both decide how and where it should get spent. Ok rampage over, just needed to get that off my chest.

But to conclude, a man should realize and understand how important and significant his role is in a relationship, I don’t think a woman would want a man that couldn’t stand up and take charge if need be. Men your woman depend on you, so man up!

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I know and have met many people who says that they are looking for “The Right One” well who is the right one, how do you define the right one? Let’s start with the women, many women are looking for that ideal guy that they have perhaps read about in some book or have seen in some movie, but what these women are not realizing is that these books and movies are all make believe. Many women have these ideas in their minds as to how a man should measure up and if he doesn’t then that means that he simply isn’t good enough for her. Women are for the most part never satisfied with what they have until they no longer have it. They always seem to be in search of something more, now I’m not saying a woman can’t have her standards but she shouldn’t think that a man will be able to meet and keep all of her expectations.

There was a girl that was dating this guy and according to her friends, they just thought that this wasn’t the guy for her. He wasn’t 6’2ft, his body type was not one of an athlete, and he looked aight..(ok proper English, he looked alright). Anyways, he never once disrespected her, or mistreated her but for some reasons he didn’t fully fit her idea of what her ideal mate should be. Anyways to cut a long story short, she broke up with the guy and ended up dating someone that she thought fit her idea of what person she deserved to be with, he had the hard rock abs, 6’3, and all her specs, he was “fiiinneee” like you ladies like to say. All of the physical specs she was looking for she found in this guy. Little did she know he was an abuser.  He abused this girl, physically, verbally and not to mention emotionally. He treated her as if it should have been a privilege for her to be with a guy like him.

So what does all of this mean, well sometimes we see a person and we judge them based on the way they look, the physical but we don’t stop to see what they are offering us beyond that. Many women are awaiting for a prince charming to come and sweep them of their feet and sometimes they stop at nothing to find what they looking for and when they think they have the “the one” they end up losing the “the one” that matters most, which is themselves because they being enslaved to the ideal man they were searching for. One of the characteristics that all men should have for women that are in search of the “the one” is RESPECT, first for God, for himself and of course for the person he is with. If we both have a communal respect for each other then everything really falls into place.

One day  I was at a barbershop one day waiting to get a haircut, and there was a conversation about love going on (crazy I know, but men talk about love too ladies).  Anyways, there was a question, what is the most important thing to have in relationship. Many of the men answered you have to have “love” of course and then this one guy said something that really got me. He said forget about love, you need someone that you can live with and someone you can’t stand not being around. Now I wouldn’t have said forget about love, but I think it’s equally important that you find someone that you enjoy being with and spending a lot of time with, or someone that you really don’t mind being around. It’s not just enough to have love, because it is very much true that you may love someone but you can’t stand being around them. I believe we don’t choose who we love but we choose who to stay with.

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