Sex Before Marriage: Why We Chose Not To Go There

Posted on: August 17th, 2010 by relationadmin | 10 Comments

Sex Before Marriage: Why We Chose Not To Go There

Let me first start by saying that it’s been a nice ride so far for Relationshipdj. We want to first of all thank God for his goodness towards us and of course you the readers that have shown your support and participation on our site.  Our intentions here on relationshipdj are not only to share our stories, give advice based on our experiences or the experiences of others but it’s hopefully to help others build their relationships as well. So with that said, please, don’t forget you are now able to post comments on our site using your Facebook account and it will allow your friends to see what you have been reading and then maybe they will stop by and visit us to and become a part of this movement.

Disclaimer: Sex is a very personal subject and should never be taken lightly by anyone. We ask that two things, if you are not of age or rather mature enough for this subject, then please refrain from reading any further and also if you are please be mindful that this is a sensitive subject and people will obviously have their views and opinions about, we are simply here to share our own and what has worked for us in our relationship.

Why we chose not to go there:

I remember being young adults, when Dony and I started being girlfriend and boyfriend and I have asked her, her opinion about sex before marriage, and her response was short and to the point, she wanted to remain a virgin until she was married. I asked her of course why that was so important to her, and her first reason was because it was never God’s intention for people to have sex before marriage and secondly because she knew if ever she decided to do it then she would hear her dad’s voice saying “Cheri pa kite moune goute, ou pap van anyen” Translation: don’t let anyone have a taste for you have nothing to sell.

When she told me the part about what her dad would always tell, I thought it was hilarious but I had to say I respected that very much. I say I respect that because I myself am not a virgin. See when I was growing up, I had a very different view on life than I have now. At school, on the soccer field and neighborhood we were all doing the same things at a very young age (as a matter of fact too young to mention) that we had no business doing, this was just the environment I happened to find myself in.

I used to go to church with my mom but it wasn’t until I came to the states and was older and of course became convicted and baptized that I realized the importance of all this girl was telling me, hence why I myself for myself made the decision that I too didn’t want to go there with this girl. So basically you can say that we decided mutually that we wouldn’t take our relationship there.

We have many friends and even some family members who seem to think that this is absurd but we don’t think so at all. Many of our friends think that we are lying when we say we have not had sex. One thing that people fail to understand though is that our relationship is not based solely on physical attractions, yes I did fall in love with her smile even before having spoken to her but I‘ve loved her all of this time for her for mind, intelligence, the way she makes me feel and so much more. (8214)

Sex Before Marriage: Why We Chose Not To Go There
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10 Responses

  1. Kiki says:

    Wowww… That has been well said if I must say. But as for everything else, not everybody sees it that way. Some guys wouldn’t even want to go out with a girl if he knows that she is a virgin, he thinks it’ll be too complicated and weird. Others say that they’ll never stay with girls that wont sleep with them during the time the go out. Because, they don’t know if the girls like them or not. The feeling after it will determine if the girl is worth marriage or not. And some of us are so naive and don’t want to get dumped and agree to do it.

    But then again, it’s not something that is easy to do, stay a virgin until marriage. A lot of us would like for that to happen but it’s not always the case. When you like a guy and he knows how to get what he wants, and waits for the perfect moment,it wont be hard a hell of a job.

    • Thanks for KIKI, but one thing I know for sure, I don’t really care what other people do or think I do me. I know what you are saying people will always be people we can’t change that. And yeah most men won’t go with someone that’s a virgin but to others that’s a challenge…

  2. Gasou says:

    I realy like your article and give ya’ll respect for not having sex eventhough you have been together for so ong. I encourage ya’ll to keep it like that. I agree with you saying that “a honeymoon isn’t really one if I have been getting it on prior…” Last week a woman came to my job with her husband buying dresses for pregnant woman. she told me that she came here on her honeymoon and she’s one month pregnant. I asked myself how long she’s been here then 2 months? The first thing that came in my mind was are they enjoying this honeymoon?

  3. Dominica says:

    Its is best that non of the partners indulge in sex before marriage, but in a society of today you can understand why a man would want to test the waters before he jump in..
    especial if the woman was re-owned.. cause you just might be getting damaged goods.

    That being said: I will emphasize people pray about their mate. cause the Lord will not give you more than you bare in fact He has your best interest at heart.

    Trust God and the mate you receive will be a real gift weather they be brand new, reposes ed , recondition, like new or won out.

    The key of marriage is not sex. but relationship , humans are the only primates that has sex just for the fun of it.. Now i wonder if fun sex with your wife is sin.. :) should sex be for procreation only. hmm thats a next topic

    • Dominica, I completely understand what you are saying about buying damaged goods and I don’t blame you. My thing is that we should be with someone for what we see and for something deeper than just the sex aspect. Sex is really important in a relationship but it’s not everything. If you taste the water it’s not what you expected are you going to leave? Did you like that person for their goodies? These are some of the questions we have to ask and answer.

      I don’t think have sex with your wife just for fun is a sin. Having sex with someone that’s not your wife is a sin.

  4. Rosie says:

    Honestly,i love it.Do you know why i love it?because virginity is not something that you can ever take back.Some females wich they could stop have sex before marriage,but they can’t.its a hard decision to take after all.You really need to be with the right person to understand your point.But it is so sad that most of the man will walk away after telling them such thing.They will look at you like ok, you use to do it before and it will not make any different if you stop now.its not like you are going to be a virging back again ext……that is the type off answers you will received from a man if you tell him you want to stop having sex and want to wait after marriage.

    My advice for all my ladies is that if you pray about it and you ask God to guide you.He will help you stop.I know some of you ladies said all the times that you pray and ask God to help you stop doing something and you keep on getting worst. but let me tell you something.How do you except God to help you, if you are not willing to make the effort yourself?

    Yes, you need to pray and make the first move then God will take place in what you ask him to do.First, you need to be ready to let that man go if he does not agree with the decision you make.then keep praying until you find the right one and also to ask God to help you find a man that’s going to understand and agree with the decision you make.

    I know its not easy to find these type off man on earth,but with God help everything will be great.

    • Thanks Rosie for letting us know what you think. I’ll tell you what though anyone that tells you something like, why stop now it’s not like you are going to become a Virgin again is not someone for you to be with. This is one selfish person simply because he’s only seeing his needs but not yours. Being in a relationship means to be help the other along the way. If this is something the person you are with is not willing to help you with, hey you know what to do.

      Do they have a point, yes I believe they do however, if it was something like you being a hooker, they would not tell you it’s not like if you stop now that’s going to change the fact that you used to be a hooker. So my whole thing is that most men are only out theirs and that’s about it. Not only men, women as well.

  5. doina says:

    my relationshp had vry diffrnt case
    my bf wants to do sex but not wd me bcz he kw i m nt ready 4 dt but still for him i told him to do sex wd him but he refused and said he kw me and nw he dont wana do sex wd me
    he said he wana leave me nw but he loves me i kw
    i dnt wana lose my virginity and also dont wana lose him
    plz tell me any suggestion wht cn i do next plz plz tell me

    • DOINA,
      Well the thing is it’s not that easy to just say oh leave him or do it with him. What I will tell you is that if someone can’t really respect your wishes and honor your vow, how much respect do they have for you? Love is understanding and supporting in spite of what want. If he loves you but don’t want to support you, does that say he loves you? Hope that can help you. Well, look at it this way, if you lose your virginity you will never get it back. So think about it real hard, make a decision that you will not regret later in life.

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