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Single – No father figure and it’s effect on my relationship

I am not used to having  a man tell me I  love you, I miss you, you’re my princess , you mean everything to me etc. . . My mother did her best to be both a mother and a father for me but she just couldn’t be. When she hugged me I felt a mother’s love but not a father’s as well. I grew up missing that love that I needed. But thanks God for that special mother, she did help. She told me how to be careful with boys cause they most of the times just want something.

She made me her friend. Every time a man would try to talk to me I would say like mama told me “I’m sorry I can’t listen to you right now , but this is where I live don’t be scared to knock in my door.”I use to have so many male friends, always speaking with them giving them advices and take from them. There was one guy, he was very special, I saw him in a different way from the others; I called him 10/3. I loved him. I didn’t fall in love with him though; my love for him grew as we were growing up in church together.

We used to spend a lot of time talking, almost every night  up until midnight or until whenever we got tired because this was our time to share our stories. We were open with each other but just stayed friends. When I knew that I was going to come to the States  he was the first one I called.  But less than a year after I came here he came too. Still friends, one day he called me and told me “I love you, would you be my girlfriend?” I was happy but didn’t answer him right away.  We became boyfriend and girlfriend.

But things started to change, I had school, work no time and I didn’t mention that but we were living in different states.  Things didn’t get serious as I thought they were going to be. I blame myself for not telling him how I really felt (he had no time to listen anyways), I was expecting too much but he couldn’t replace my father, and he wasn’t giving enough as a boyfriend.  But he found out how I felt by an article that I wrote. We had to break up, it wasn’t going well.  I still don’t know what he thought about what we had, but I think that we had wasted our friendship.

We should have remained best friends. We still talk, still share our stories when we have time of course but not like we use to. During my “relationship” with 10/3 I had a friend who would check up on me every day and listen to what I had to say and give me advice when I needed it. He respected the fact that I had a boyfriend. He gave me way more attention than my bf did. From my voice only he could tell if I was ok or not. When 10/3 and I broke up he was still there for me listening to me.

We starting going out, I said to myself instead of staying in love with someone who maybe do not love me anymore it’s better to be with someone who loves me. I was trying to be in love with 10/3 too, but I tried in vain. Even though I told him that I was in love, my other guy friend told me” you’ll get over him, it’s normal he was your first.” One day this friend called me and asked me to marry him. I asked him are you sure that’s what you meant to say? Cause we’re still in school and don’t have a good job and he told me “we don’t have to move in, we don’t even have to tell anyone.” To myself I said boy you are trying to lock me in real bad.

I was smart enough to tell him no; he was too scared to lose me. It took me two weeks to realize that I was forcing my heart to accept someone that I don’t love. I went to see my mother in Haiti for two weeks and my feelings were different I realize that it was his moral support that I didn’t find anywhere but from him that I liked and needed but not him. I broke his heart and I’m sorry for that but like my best friend Smailine from Haiti told me “do what you have to do before it’s too late. Do not please someone while you’re hurting yourself.”

Since my last relationship I refuse to let another man in life. I think that if I let any man in my life either we both will end up with a broken heart. I always say if my father treated me like that why wouldn’t a boyfriend or a husband. All the guys I’ve ever dated say that I make them fall in love then walk out, cause since then every time I have a male friend and see that he wants more than that I back up . Because they tend to show you that they care, they pay so much attention, which I love too much, until they get a yes. After these two relationship I found out that I’m looking for something that I won’t find cause my father didn’t give it to m, which I can’t expect to get it from a man. I may not remain single but I will remain fatherless and I can’t let fatherless control and guide me.

“Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand.”
- Anonymous

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Tags: Fatherless and Single, No father figure effects relationship with man