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Fatherless and Single
Hi, I am Gasline Guerrier, second child and first girl of my father and last child and second girl of my mother. This is my first time writing for RelationshipDJ; I’ve been reading other’s stories, and it’s now my time to share mine. Thanks D&J for the opportunity. As my title says I am single and never had a father- daughter relationship. My father married another woman one month before my birth, and left Haiti to come to the United States when I was 5 years old. I barely knew him. During these five years I was living with my mother. My mother is a sweet, nice, intelligent and a loving woman; she dedicated her time and everything she had to her children; I am so proud to be her daughter.
Ok back to my father, I saw my father again when I was 12, then when I was 15 and then 16 years old. I always told my mother that I would like to see my father because I thought he was dead even though we spoke sometimes. When I was 17 years old I left Haiti and came to the U.S. to live with my father. I only knew his face and nothing about him. My mom told me a little about him but not enough to get me ready to live with him and he knew absolutely nothing about me.
On March 1, 2007, my step sister, my two step brothers, my brother my step mother and I came to live with my father. We just came and everyone was really happy. We were one big happy family. Around 4 months later I left my father’s house to go live with his brother but my father had me come over every weekend which I didn’t like because I felt more welcome in my uncle’s family. In 2008 I moved back to my father’s house. It was very hard for us to be even friends. We argued every time.
I’m happy every time I’m out and spiritually sick every time I’m in the house. It was never home for me. I would stay in my room every time crying and missing my mom most of the times and wishing I was with her. If I pass one day in the house I pass it starving and wishing that my father doesn’t come until I go to sleep; I was so scared to be around him. I never did anything right for him. He was always expecting me to mess up. One day he called my mom and told her “when they, my brother and I, become nothing in their life don’t blame me.” On my graduation day instead of saying congrats he told that is nothing, an high school diploma means nothing.
He got mad at me for not going to be become a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) after High School like he told me to do. He doesn’t know what school I go to, what is my major and how I pay for school and my supplies, he knows nothing about me but that I’m living under his roof and he wants me to leave. It was about time when my brother and I decided to leave after so many times of him asking. I was scared to leave but happy to be free. My dad and I tried but we were two different people with different habits and everything and we couldn’t get along. I experienced ignorance, getting beat up, bad names and hope of bad things happening to me during this little time I spent with my dad. People have been telling me that my father loves all his children and I believe that my father does love, he just has a different way of showing it.
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If I must say, it takes a great deal of courage to for someone to spill out something so personal. I really appreciate that.
One thing I know that differentiates you from others in your situation is that they don’t admit the effect being raised without a father has on them. Some don’t even know that’s a problem that will affect even their own relationship with man.
Thank you much for sharing.
08.15.2010You are very welcome. Yea, it does take courage to share my story; hopefully it will help them to figure out their problem and what it is causing them. Eventhough not all the cases are like mine, but most of them are. sometimes they keep blaming the men but don’t want to see what the source of the problem is.
08.15.2010I almost cried from reading ur story. 3 of 5 women in this world suffered from fatherless. We don’t talk bout because it painful to share with others. honey u said u scared to open your heart to a man I understand that but to make the same mistake I made by chasing plp out of ur. Just be careful n u have to learn on how to trust plp with ur heart. The best way to get over this to forgive ur father then forgive urself. sorry for writing a lot I got carry away .
08.15.2010Thank you Dada, I actually forgive him but remember that scars do stay sometimes. And I am working on forgiving myself for things that I am innocently ,not to say falsely, guilty of (I think, at least).
08.15.2010Dada I appreciate you stopping by and commenting. Being scared to open up is not all bad to my knowledge. I am not too sure about chasing people out. I believe what what is meant to be will. Just my thought.
08.15.2010Wowww….. That was deep and as stated before took you a lot of courage I must say to post it online. I, myself didn’t have a dad growing up but to think of it, I never ask myself if that had any effect on my life. I don’t think about it or try to know if it has an impact on my life, maybe it’s because I don’t care or too afraid to find out but thanks for sharing your story though.
08.16.2010You are welcome Kiki. Well you should think about it. See it affects you, and if it does see how. But do not just think that it does and let your thoughts affect your relationship with someone. Like I said the case is not always the same. and I am sorry for you had to grow up without your father by your side. But always remember that eventhough your biological father wasn’t there for you, your heavenly father was there, he’s there and he will always be there for you and with you. He loves you so much he gave away his life for you.
08.16.2010French:
salut ma tres chere, je m’excuse si je ne te reponds pas en anglais, laisse moi te dire chere que ce n’est pas toujours facile de pardonner et en tant que chretienne il m’arrive de dire que je ne sais pas comment faire cela.
mais laisse moi te dire que tu n’es pas la seule a ne pas avoir un pere qui se comporte si je puis me permettre l’expression comme un con. mais ceci ne doit pas empecher cela, tout cecei pour te dire que je suis moi aussi sans pere d’ailleurs moi je n’ai pas connu le mien et et j’ai cheche l’amour la ou il ne fallait pas. et pourtant depuis deja 3 ans j’ai pourtant rencontrer un type genial qui est aujourd’hui mon mari,je l’ai connu a l’ecole qd j’avais 12 ans et tu sais il me comble assez bien tout cela pour te dire cheri que peut etre tu regarde ds la mauvaise direction, et tu en demande trop aux hommes il faut tu pardonne le premier homme de ta vie ensuite tu pourras te liberer de ta peur et aimer quelqu’un comme il le merite, mais pour cela il te faut du cran et surtout un peu de patience et surtout meets toi ds les chaussures des personnes que tu blesses il te sera plus facile d’aimer et de blesser moins ceux qui t’apprecient vraiment.
French to English translation
08.30.2010hello my dearest, I am sorry if I dont answer you in English,
let me tell you dear that this is not always easy to forgive and
as a Christian I sometimes say I do not know how
do that.
but let me tell you that you’re not the only one not having a father
behaves if you do not mind the expression as an idiot. but
this should not prevent that, all CECEI to tell you that I am
Moreover, even without my father I never knew mine and I and
cheche the love or should not. yet since already 3 years
I have yet to meet a genial type who is now my husband, I
knew him at school qd I was 12 and you know me pretty well fills
all this to tell you darling that you may be looking at the wrong ds
direction, and you demand too much from men you must forgive the
first man in your life then you can liberate you from your fear and love
anyone as he deserves, but for that you need guts and
especially a little patience and above all meets you ds’s shoes
you hurt people it will be easier to love and hurt
least those who really appreciate you